What I Will Miss

My son.

For 18 years he has been my life. For the last 12 years it has just been the two of us, finding our way together….through the ups and downs and twists and turns of growing up and living. My smart, strong, kind, handsome, funny, friendly, happy, exasperating and drive me to the looney bin son, will be going off to college in just a few days. A new beginning, for both of us.

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Life is going to be different. There are so many emotions that I am feeling and will feel. He’s very excited. I can see it and I’m excited for him. But I can also see beyond that and know that he is nervous.  I am nervous for him too. But I have great faith in him. I am very proud of the young man he has become.

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There is so much I will miss

Time spent together…

The silliness…

Even more silliness…

Football…

Lacrosse…

Being a Cougar mom…

Team dinners, parties, and celebrations…

The boys…

The piles of laundry, the grocery bill, the arguments, the sweaty smells after a game, the gas money, the rap music, the mistakes and the learning, the growing up…

I hope I have raised him well. I hope that I have prepared him for this grown up world. I hope he always says please and thank you. I hope that he is happy. I hope that he follows his heart,  I hope he knows that I am always here for him, and I hope he always remembers how much I love him.

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8 thoughts on “What I Will Miss

  1. He knows, he probably won’t tell you he knows but he does. This is harder than sending him off on the kindergarten bus for the first time. He’ll still come home to visit, but this time you send him off forever with the wisdom you gave him. Be happy.

    • Thank you. It is definitely one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life. I just hope I’ve prepared him well!! Thanks for reading and for your words.

  2. I like the way you wrote this simply, with loving and caring words. He will definitely use his manners, Mom! Paul will also continue to be an amazing young man who will make you always proud, less exasperated than those growing up years. He will ask you for advice, sometimes he will even take it! I am very excited for you and your son, too! I cried each time I dropped a child off to college or off at another location. I don’t do very well in airports, either. I was a single mom only for nine years of the older two’s lives. I may have mixed my youngest daughter up, taking no child support for no visitation, with my brief marriage to her father. He was unfaithful within her first 6 months, 18 months into the marriage. I just refused to budge on driving back and forth in another direction after the first one I agreed with, since it was due to our mutual life changes (and his alcoholism, too.) I think she is the one who is more grounded and may be more successful in the beginning because she was “mine alone.”The other two, my artist daughter and chef son, have already made me proud as amazing parents. I hope that they will find their careers more sustaining and enriching when they get past the child rearing years. Felicia chose to wait, she’s 27 and still single, so hopefully her time will be spent wisely making a good life and her apartment has antique fireplaces in their two bedrooms and their living room. Marble tiles with green in her room… We tucked a dresser into an alcove and she has a little room off the bedroom for her “business” and office space.

    • It’s so amazing to see how our children grow up after going through some of the things they did…and turn out so well!! You must be proud too! Your family sounds close and loving!! You are so fortunate!! Too often it goes the other way. I worried about Paul and was always determined to put good male role models in his life.. Teachers, scout leaders, coaches, and the fathers of his friends. I think he’s going to be ok! Thank you for sharing your story and your family with me!

  3. best of luck to all of you, he looks like a handsome young man now. i know it’s hard to send them out into the world, and it’s bittersweet at best. when he returns, he’ll still be your boy, but somehow a bit changed and touched by the world, having been made better for it. thanks for reading my blog and i look forward to reading more from you ) best, beth

    • Thank you Beth. I think both he and I will be a bit changed by this. A new chapter in our lives. This was my way of stopping time for a bit. Something I can look at when I’m missing and thinking about him.
      I have enjoyed reading your blog too! We have a lot in common!! When does school start for you? Our students come back next Wednesday! I think I’m ready!!!!!
      I taught kindergarten for one year when no one else volunteered. It was one of the best years of my career! I knew absolutely nothing about kindergarten… So I taught them like I had always taught my 4th graders!!! We didn’t have much support back then! But it gave me a huge appreciation for kindergarten teachers.. And a huge understanding of just how bright and capable those 5 year olds are! Later I had many of those same students in 4th grade… What fun that was!!! I look forward to reading more of your musings, with and without your glasses!!

  4. This touches me deeply, made me cry. I lost my sense of equilibrium in an empty nest. I regrouped and had many adventures. But of all my memories, growing up with my daughters, sharing their beautiful lives, and teaching them how to love and care for themselves are the very best.

    • Thank you. Your comment touched me…it is hard for all parents I think…sending our babies out into the world. And such a big change for us as parents. They are still our children, and always will be but no longer in the safety of our nests. I am feeling that same sort of out of balance feeling these days. I’m still a mother, but a different kind of mother. I don’t have the same flurry of activities…and so now it’s about reinventing me…I’m excited, yet scared. How will I fill this void? Who am I if not a mother every day?

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