I’m at a crossroads, a turning point, a place I’ve never been before in my life. Oh there have been many changes and new roads I’ve traveled down. But none quite as emotional and life altering as this.
This was why I began writing this blog, wasn’t it? To write about this new place I find myself in? To share my journey of change and growth?
Nature does it.
Quite magnificently, I might add…
For us humans, it’s not always so beautiful and spectacular. It can be messy and clumsy. We cling tightly to how things were…We hold on to what was, not wanting to let go of the familiar for the unknown. I am afraid. I know that it’s fear that makes change hard.
When I was younger. Change came easily. I think I was a very adaptable, go with the flow, kind of child. Perhaps because I had to be. We moved a lot. My mom was a single mother, who worked hard to take care of my sister and I. She remarried when I was 12. Then we moved to Vermont. A huge change from Westchester County, NY. There were cows up here! But I remember saying ” let’s go!” And I meant it. A new adventure, new opportunities, places and people. The resiliency of youth!!
And I stayed. I have lived in this beautiful state for over 35 years. I am older now. My adaptable nature isn’t what it used to be.
I like the familiar, the routine, the regularity of life. Yet I yearn for adventure and excitement and the unknown. I am a dichotomy…a contradiction.
Over the years I’ve learned to blend these two sides of myself. I found ways to satisfy my yearnings. But I still held tight to my routines. These grounded me.
Now I feel groundless. Scared and unsure of where I am going. I’m trying to be adaptable in the face of all this change. It isn’t easy.
For today I just need to believe, in myself and in this new path I am traveling…