Change

I’m at a crossroads, a turning point, a place I’ve never been before in my life. Oh there have been many changes and new roads I’ve traveled down. But none quite as emotional and life altering as this.

This was why I began writing this blog, wasn’t it? To write about this new place I find myself in? To share my journey of change and growth?

Change…

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Nature does it.

Quite magnificently, I might add…

For us humans, it’s not always so beautiful and spectacular. It can be messy  and clumsy. We cling tightly to how things were…We hold on to what was, not wanting to let go of the familiar for the unknown. I am afraid. I know that it’s fear that makes change hard.

When I was younger. Change came easily. I think I was a very adaptable, go with the flow, kind of child. Perhaps because I had to be. We moved a lot. My mom was a single mother, who worked hard to take care of my sister and I. She remarried when I was 12. Then we moved to Vermont. A huge change from Westchester County, NY. There were cows up here! But I remember saying ” let’s go!” And I meant it. A new adventure, new opportunities, places and people. The resiliency of youth!!

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And I stayed. I have lived in this beautiful state for over 35 years. I am older now. My adaptable nature isn’t what it used to be.

I like the familiar, the routine, the regularity of life. Yet I yearn for adventure and excitement and the unknown. I am a dichotomy…a contradiction.

Over the years I’ve learned to blend these two sides of myself. I found ways to satisfy my yearnings. But I still held tight to my routines. These grounded me.

Now I feel groundless. Scared and unsure of where I am going. I’m trying to be adaptable in the face of all this change. It isn’t easy.

For today I just need to believe, in myself and in this new path I am traveling…

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11 thoughts on “Change

  1. Change is hard for people but it is an area for tremendous growth! Get out of your comfort zone and do something different!
    Be the change that you want to see in this world!
    P.S. I love the quote at the bottom of your post.

    • Thanks Kristen!!! It is hard but I agree… Time to get out of this familiar comfort zone! Growth means moving forward and taking new paths! Here I go!!!

  2. I understand where you are coming from, It was like when I moved to Salt Lake City with you and Linda, Talk about the unknown! Yet those were some of the most important years of my life in terns of personal growth. I’m totally confident you will find some positive outcomes from all your impending changes. Call anytime!

    • Thanks Mom! I know that Utah was important… I think for all of us! It brought us closer together and it gave me amazing respect for everything you did so we would be ok! I know all these changes will bring about only positive outcomes. I just feel a little lost without Paul. This is one big adjustment for me! I appreciate all your love and support❤

  3. Nice reading about you

    Thanks for visiting my blog. Be in touch. Browse through the category sections, I feel you may find something of your interest.

  4. I find hope in your resiliency and you have a lot of inner strength. Your sense of adventure puts mine to shame! But I have been happy and content with little adventures that mean a lot to me. I had some fun dating a lot of men last year (over 100) but was dismayed that I am not so great at “picking them!” So, onward ho! Glad you have a partner, a son and some fun with a man’s son, too that makes you a nice family to move forward to the horizon, enjoying every minute of it! Peace, love and freedom. All wonderful to have…

    • Little adventures are the best kind! Although I will admit that I am envious when I hear of people’s big grand adventures! But I think Good for them… They are able to that!!! Maybe someday for me…and for you too! We never know what surprises life has for us!!
      I’ve always been resilient and adaptable. For the most part I think this is a good quality but I also worry that I adapt to quickly and don’t always spend the time necessary to accept or grieve the change that has happened.
      You have wisdom in dating then!!! And wonderful stories to share!!! I found in my dating experience after not dating for over 20 years that its so very different and the men my age were a little strange!!!!!! They either tried to hard… Or wanted something very different from what I wanted! Of course at the time I didn’t know what I wanted!!! When I met Rich, all I knew was that I wanted someone who made me laugh… I hadn’t truly laughed in a while when I went through my divorce. He was totally not my type!!!! The usual guy I go for… But he made me laugh. So hard my tummy and cheeks hurt! And that was just our first phone conversation!!! Our second date we drove 100 miles to try a diner in Littleton NH!!! We heard they had good pie:-) so that’s always my advice to my friends who are doing the online dating… Think about one or two qualities you really want…give someone you might not ever talk to a chance and see what happens!!!!! In the meantime enjoy your independence, peace and freedom!

  5. change and fear of the unknown can be scary, that’s why people sometimes stay in situations that are less than desirable, at least they know what to expect, bleak as it may be. i applaud you for going out and trying to experience a bit of change, and know that it’s normal to be a bit afraid of it, but it will lead you to unexpected growth and joy i expect. )

    • I think so too!!!! And yes, I have done exactly that in the past… Stayed way too long because I was afraid of the unknown. If anything, I’ve learned now to embrace the unknown!! Life is full of unknowns!!

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