Faith is a funny thing….
Sometimes you feel it, deep within your heart and soul.
It calms your fears and eases your pain. It gives you a sense of peace and hope. It protects you and keeps you safe. It is huge and encompassing. It is small and gentle.
Faith…believing that anything is possible.
And other times you seek it.
Times when you can’t find your way because you are blinded by the darkness. You know what faith feels like. But when overwhelming fear and doubt and worry combine, it can seem as if faith has left you…all alone in a storm that rages around you.
This is the path I find myself on right now. And I don’t recognize it.
A pink slip, handed out to me and every teacher in my school, because our budget did not pass. Our wonderful little school may have to close.
It will be ok we are told. Things will work out they say. We are not sure we can believe them.
Our faith tries to speak up. But the dark and harsh reality pushes it away. This is almost too much. Fear looms and threatens…
I want to run and hide.
Old thinking comes back into my head. It steals my hope and tires my spirit…
The world, always so sparkly and bright
Seems dull and pale.
Tears brim…I fight them
But they spill over
I pray and ask why? Why is this happening?
But no answer comes.
More than anything I want to know…
Where did my faith go?
It has never left me before.
I was always able to fan its flames back to life.
There are only embers now.
I want to believe what Edward Teller says.
My heart desperately wants to cling to the hope that out of this, my faith will return and teach me to fly…
For now though…I walk lightly and quietly
Looking, searching, seeking faith